What can I do when I don’t feel the love of God?

Every Sunday I eagerly participate in worship along with my church family. My heart swells as we sing and fill our minds with the truth of God’s love and grace. It is the highlight of my week, hands down.

Having a heart of worship is easy when I am surrounded by people I love, in a climate-controlled room on padded chairs. But out in the cold, cruel world, I find it’s not so easy. Life has a way of pounding us down, making it hard to feel the love of God. Sometimes I’m even tempted to think He has abandoned me. Where is the love when your basement floods or you are in an accident? Where is the love when a child goes astray, or your bank account suddenly starts bouncing checks? Where is the love when cancer strikes, or a loved one dies?

Psalm 136 holds the answer to that dilemma. You’ve probably read it aloud in its antiphonal form (reader/audience response): “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His lovingkindness endures forever…” Familiar words. But the refrain may be more profound than you think.

The key for me came through researching one word (used 26 times): lovingkindness (hesed). Translations vary in their interpretation of this Hebrew word: faithful love, lovingkindness, or steadfast love. There is no good word in English that will adequately express the Hebrew. There are two ways it is used in the Old Testament. One is hesed between people, which comes as a result of a mutual commitment.  Think marriage contract.

Then there is the hesed of God.

God’s hesed is also connected with an agreement with His people. But it is an unswerving loyalty and commitment, even when it is not reciprocated.

God’s hesed is given from a place of all-sufficiency. While human hesed is a mutual meeting of the other’s needs, God has no needs to be met. He is already complete. Mutuality is not expected, because there is no lack in Him that humans can fulfill.

God’s hesed persists beyond any sin or betrayal. While human love is a two-way street, God’s love is not. It reaches out to enemy and seeker alike. It mends the broken and graciously extends forgiveness. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us less. (And nothing we can do to make Him love us more. His hesed is already perfect.)

God’s hesed always involves practical action on behalf of His beloved. It is never used to describe mere feelings. God will always act according to His hesed.

The psalmist in Psalm 136 puts hesed into a refrain repeated in every stanza: For His lovingkindnessendures forever.

But what was startling for me was in noticing what God did in His hesed for His people.

This psalm lists much more than warm fuzzies. God’s hesed for His people allowed suffering and four hundred years in bondage. It involved standing frozen in fear at the edge of the Red Sea, watching the cloud of dust kicked up by pharaoh’s mighty army’s approach. It involved traveling through an unforgiving, harsh land fraught with enemies. It involved going into battle after bloody battle to conquer the land.

Yet, after each phrase describing these hard things, the response is: for His lovingkindness endures forever. What struck me is the word for. It tells us that each action of God is a result of His lovingkindness. Every. Single. One.

Not what you’d think should exemplify God’s hesed for His people.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was afraid I would not be a good mother. I had a mom who would do anything for me. No sacrifice was too great for her daughters. Once I lamented that I was way too selfish to be a good mom like her. She assured me: “When it is your own child, giving is no sacrifice at all.” She was right.

I remember standing over my tiny son watching him sleep. I’d never felt such intense love. I wept, thinking about how hard life is and how he would be hurt by others. I vowed I would protect him with every bit of strength I had.

But in reality, that is not hesed love. Hesed wants the best for their beloved. And freedom from painful experiences is not healthy for anyone. Children who are completely shielded from hardship grow up to be self-centered and entitled. And ill-equipped to handle disappointment when it comes along.

You see, there are things to be learned in the struggle. Character that will be built. Perspective that cannot be had without it.

Sometimes loving with hesed means allowing our beloved to struggle. 

We have a perfect heavenly Father, who in His wisdom allows us to learn from tough teachers: Pain. Struggle. Disappointment. How else would we see the goodness of God, when He moves to help or rescue us? How else would we know His faithfulness except by walking through the valleys with Him by our side? (Psalm 23)

God continues to move in the lives of His beloved. But we can’t expect Him to keep us from disappointment, hardship, or pain. The reality is, we need it in our lives as much as (what we would consider) the good stuff.

But through the inevitable suffering or struggling, we can trust His hesed love. He does not abandon. Even in the face of disobedience and rejection, He remains committed. So when things are looking grim, and you can’t feel His hesed, try repeating that refrain from Psalm 136 over and over. For His lovingkindness endures forever.

It’s a truth that can carry you through the darkest of times. And remind you of the hesed of God, in those times you can’t feel it.